Morris is smitten with girls.

His whole energy changes when he's around them.

Seriously, he literally melts and gets all coy and playful.

We're talking about a kid that picks up dead animals with his bare hands.

A boy with a right hook like no other.

Someone who will drop kick you faster than you can say, "NO!".

He gets this dreary look in his eyes, this sparkle, that I have noticed lately whenever he has a connection with a female friend.

I'm sure this is normal, but it makes me fast forward about 10 years from now. I am so not ready for that.

I'll just enjoy the innocence and pureness of it now.

And any little Biatchhhh that breaks my boy's heart will be answering to me.

I'm gonna be the hussy filter.

Some people need to get a sense of humor.

I mean really lighten up.

I took Bronson to the park and got quite a few glares. 

I don't know what their problem was.

What's the big deal?

Can I help it my kid has style?

I bought tickets to a concert (MARIAH!) the other day.

I was thrilled that I could print them on my computer and have them in my hand within 5 minutes.

I was not happy that I had to pay $2.50 to do this. It makes no sense. I'm doing the work. Why do I have to pay someone else when I'm using my electricity, time, and printer ink?

Maybe that's petty, but it's just the principle.

It made me think about mommy and me class. Something else that I think produces a great end result, but question the process.

Don't get me wrong, when Morris was 5 months old I was the first mom banging down The Gymboree door for entry. I didn't want his Ivy League dreams crushed because I hesitated in his infant years.

It was a good experience and something I definitely recommend for first time parents. I really benefited from the bonding with Morris, and it was great to be around other first time parents for the socialization. The discussions helped to ease a lot of my first time parenting concerns.

Now, the second child is a whole nother avenue.

5 months came for Bronson and i sat him in his Boppy pillow in the playroom with Morris. There's your bonding and stimulation, kid, enjoy.

I logged on facebook daily and chatted with friends-hello socialization.

Didn't really have many parenting concerns this go round. I'm an old pro now.

But, around 10 months, the guilt started kicking in. Morris had been to 3 different mommy and me classes by this age, and poor Bronson had barely seen the world outside of his house and whatever his brother was doing.

I caved.

I took him to a local class and HATED IT.

Why was I such a scrooge? I was annoyed by all predictable questions of the parents, the silly songs gave me a headache, the "nutritional snack" was the same stuff I gave at home, and I was the one doing all the work during free play.

I can do all this (and more) from the comfort of my home for FREE!

So, I have chilled out on the mommy and me experience. Bronson gets all his daily experience organically and I am a much happier mom.

I am happily blowing bubbles and singing "Twinkle Twinkle" in mi casa for FREE!

I must really love you guys.

I went deep into the trenches for ya'll.

Got Milk? hosted a great event at bld, a great hip LA restaurant.

I was forced into sampling over 10 different milkshakes and an onslaught of homemade pastries.

The theme was "What a Milkshake Says About Your Personality."

This was up Mo's alley, so I figured I'd earn some cool points and take him.

I had more fun than he did.

He ended up playing with a slinky the whole time.

What on Earth was my kid doing???!!!

So much for my trusty assistant.

It was my mission to try all the milkshake flavors so I could report accurately to you guys.

The result of my milkshake/personality test:

Salted Caramel: For a person who is sassy and sweet.

Really? ME, sassy? Obviously, sweet, but sassy? NEVER!

Ironically, this is the absolute last one I tasted. I avoided it because I hate salt and thought it would be gross. It wasn't. It was much better than gross. It was great.

I want one now.

The torch has officially been passed...there is a positive side to hand-me-downs.

I had my cards read.

This isn't something i normally do, but I was at an event, and there were "spiritual advisers" there, so I thought I'd try it. Oh yeah, and it was FREE.

So, I was told to pick 10 cards. I hesitated because i instantly had a flashback to some movie where they picked the "death" card (cue scary music), and I started thinking with Morris's obsession about death and all our dead pets, this would be the last thing I would need.

But, I'm a Viking. I sucked it up and randomly selected my fate.

So, before I continue, I must tell you that I really want to believe in palm readers, psychics, and spiritual advisers. But the last time I had one (at another FREE event) I was really excited about my reading. She told me all great things that I wanted to hear. However, when I discovered my friend at the same event got the exact same reading (including the part about how I would buy a piece of property, there was a friendly spirit watching over me, and I would come into a large sum of money soon---yeah, yeah, i know it sounds hokey) I started to question the validity of these readings.

So, I pick my 10 cards and decide I'm gonna have a strategy with the psychic. I'm not gonna give her any true information or any personal details that  might "lead" her to come up with a valid reading. Let's see if she really can see into my life.

Here's how it went down:

Psychic Lady: (quietly) Do you want me to do this in front of her (nodding towards Morris)?

Me: Probably not. (Strike 1 for her, after all, she should have known Morris was a boy, right? Morris grabs a toy and jets off)

PL: You are going through something major right now. A very big change in your life.

Me: (OH COME ONE! Is this the best she's got?...this would apply to anyone) I just sit there and shrug my shoulders (I'm playing it cool).

PL: (Gives me a stern look) You are going through a big turning point in your life but you try to pretend it's not a big deal...to be strong for your kids. You don't want them t o worry about you. You have more than one child, right?

Me: (she probably overheard Morris and I talking about his brother when we entered. It's probably part of her strategy to eavesdrop on everyone's conversation in case they're gonna do a reading) Yes, I have more than one child (I'm a pro at playing coy).

PL: You have been under a great deal of stress regarding this situation.

Me: Ummm...not really. I'm pretty happy. Very much a peace (she rolls her eyes at me...I quickly pray she's not putting a hex on my uncooperative ass).

PL: You always try to be strong for your boys (she had a 50/50 shot if I had a boy or girl...big deal). You don't want them to feel any of your stress. You want them to feel only your happiness.

Me: Sometimes (most good parents do, right?)

PL: (Getting nowhere with me) Look, your cards show that you are experiencing an extremely major change in your life. One that is not easy to endure, something very stressful and that you are hurt inside but pretend to be fine. You appear to be happy because you want to be strong for your children. You put all your energy in your kids. It's ok to be vulnerable, because you have a God, a spirit watching over you, guiding you. This is your intuition and it's telling you that you made the right choice. You have very good intuition. Trust it. You and your children are going to be fine. Very happy. There is a huge burden you carried and struggled with for years that has recently been lifted from your life, but you still have a little ways to go. Politics also played a role in this change.

Me: (Oh Lord, please don't let me break down into tears...I've instantly turned to putty...I smile at her)

PL: Is there anything else you want to know.

Me: Will Brett Favre return to the NFL?...(ok, you guys know I didn't ask her that. I wanted to, wouldn't it had been funny if I did?)

ME: What's in my future (oh, good one Nora...that's real original...bet she never heard that one before).

PL: Draw 3 more cards.

Me: (I'm getting to be a pro at this)...

PL: You are very creative. You will do some form of creative type project/employment. Do you work now?

Me: Yes (stay at home mom is work!) well, I was previously in the medical field (how did I let that slip? I'm not supposed to be telling her info).

PL: That's not what's in your future (no kidding! my license expired). You will do something creative. This is something you love and enjoy but have never pursued before. But your recent new situation will allow you to follow your bliss, and enjoy your creativity. You will do things that make you happy. This is what's in your future.

Me: Ok. Thank you.

Hmmm..I feel like i need a psychic reading to tell me if my psychic reading was true.

What do you guys think of psychic readings?

It is very rare that I come across something edible that can be enjoyed by me, Bronson, AND Mo.

But recently I found something that can be eaten with pleasure by baby, preschooler, mom, and grandma.

Trader Joe's Pear Sauce.

It has only 6 ingredients: Bartlett pears, water, pear juice concentrate, lime juice concentrate, lemon juice concentrate, natural flavor. I'm not a label nut (who has time to read that crap?) but it makes me feel somewhat like a responsible mom when I'm giving the kids (and myself) something with a little nutritional substance.

The best thing about this stuff is the the texture. You know how applesauce is so mushy and slimy? The pear sauce has texture and tiny bits of pear, so there is no confusion as to if you're drinking it or eating it.

When I worked in a nursing home, I would get so grossed out whenever I saw applesauce. The patients ate it like they were drinking soup. It was so watery and gross. I developed an aversion to it. 

My only complaint about the pear sauce is that there are only 4 containers per pack. Seriously, this stuff is so good, I ate 2 cups without even blinking, and even dipped into the cup the boys were sharing. Me and Mo were were fighting over the last cup. Poor little Bronson didn't even stand a chance. We just ignored his grunts and grimes for more like he were asking for a diaper change.

Yes, Trader Joe's pear sauce is definitely a winner. Go get it before I beat you to it.

Recently, Morris asked me, "what's a cousin?"

He had heard many friends at school talk about their cousins and wanted to know if he had any.

Since my youngest cousin was getting married, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to travel to Milwaukee and meet my dad's side of the family.

I couldn't believe how excited Morris was. He consistently asked EVERY SINGLE DAY when was the day to meet the cousins.

However, as the day approached, I started getting a little nervous. In case you haven't noticed, I am racially mixed, as are my boys. The Milwaukee cousins are all blonde hair, blue eyed, and we're obviously not.

Would Morris notice? Would the cousins notice?

We live in Los Angeles, a melting pot of many nationalities, cultures, and personalities.

Would the people of Milwaukee be ready for Morris and Bronson? I don't even think the good folks of LA are ready for my Morris sometimes. I'm not even ready for that kid.

Or worse, what if Morris shouts out, "I LOVE BRETT FAVRE!" Would he incite a riot in Packerville?

Turns out, Morris had such a great time. He made an instant connection with them all. There was something in his eyes, something pleasant and happy, that was really great to see when he talked about each cousin that was quite endearing.

As usual, Morris's heart was stolen by an older, female, Madelynn. I spent most of the trip explaining to him why he couldn't marry his cousin (but it would be perfectly ok to marry me, his mommy :-) ).

At the culmination of our trip, Morris cried his eyes out when it came time to say goodbye to his cousins. It was quite touching that within a matter of a few days, he had made such a great connection with family.

Since he's returned to LA he can't stop talking about Julian (the cool cousin that peed on a tree), Peyton (the funny cousin that loves to dance), and of course Madelynn (the cousin that is prettier than mommy).

Oh, and as it turns out, a couple cousins are Brett Favre fans too (they just can't say it too loud).

I finally caved and took my first flight with the boys.

It wasn't pretty.

I will never snarl or turn my nose up at a mom with kids on a plane again.

Where do I begin?

I could tell you about how I almost single handedly gave every passenger on flight 84 a concussion while trying to carry the stroller/car seat down the airplane aisle (Note to airplane manufacturers, please widen the aisle to accommodate these conversion chairs as well as to allow Bronson to crawl without disruption of the beverage passing process).

I could tell you about when Morris and Bronson were hanging in the back of the airplane and in my aching hip and elbow's desperation for a break, I put Bronson down and didn't care that he and Morris were playing with the emergency exit door lever.

I could tell you about the pile of snacks Bronson threw on the floor that could probably feed the entire state of Rhode Island.

I could tell you that Bronson's favorite airplane activity was hanging out in the tiny closet, I mean bathroom, and exploring all the contraptions, but that would be far too embarrassing.

I could tell you about how Morris made such a scene on the airplane that the nice girl sitting next to me voluntarily gave up her seat (midflight) so Mo could be closer to me (and further from her).

I could tell you that I stopped counting at 40 regarding the number of times Bronson kicked the chair in front of him.

I could tell you how there is something about the air pressure in the cabin that makes a sippy cup erupt like Old Faithful when you open it and how my row and the entire row in front of me left smelling like warm Very Vanilla Silk Soymilk.

Oh yes, I could go on and on about the glorious tales of my travels, but I'll let Bronson tell you more...

I'm all ready to take my first airplane nap...got my pjs on, and my blankie, just need my goodnight kiss from mommy.

yawn....Yeah, I'm gonna pass on the in flight movie.

Yeah, I got it...my seat is also a flotation device (so is mommy).

Wake me when they start passing the pretzels. GOING...

Going....

NOPE! I DECIDED TO STAY AWAKE FOR THE NEXT 4 HOURS.

I just realized that I barely have any photos with my boys.

But, most moms I talk to are in the same boat.

It seems as if we're always the ones taking or directing the picture taking, so we never seem to be in any.

So, I wanted to post photographic proof for my boys to see that I actually do exist.

Of course, they're not the best shots, but I'll take what I can get. At least they know they weren't raised by wolves.

Bronson was THRILLED to take this one. 

Morris is always ready to entertain his bro.

This is as good as it's gonna get.